Since the quarantine, my feelings of guilt over everything I do has increased ten-fold. I feel guilty about so many things: my productivity; my meager contribution to society; my lack of effort to check up on my friends. All of these weigh heavily on me. They make the burden I carry on my back.
My social media usage, I think, is partly to blame for this guilt. Because of the “empowering” messages I read about “making the most of the quarantine,” I’ve come to feel horrible about my lack of effort. Sure, I spend my free time writing. I’ve even gone back to painting. I regularly call my family, less so my friends, and I’ve donated to a charity back home. But it never feels like it’s enough. I feel like I should be doing something bigger and of more substance. It feels like the only way to make the most of this period is to help the disadvantaged through direct – heck, even manual – means.
I plan on making the most of my day today: write (as I am now), paint, read a good book, and scout for remote volunteering opportunities. I also plan on making cinnamon buns and looking for courses I could take in edX. Despite all these, I still feel hollow and guilty. Do you, reader, feel this sort of guilt every now and then? The guilt of not doing enough?
I wonder if this is just a spell of anxiety. It certainly is incorrect to feel this way (J.K. Rowling recently condemned life gurus who preach productivity during this period), but how does one quiet feelings of guilt? Guilt goes away through action, yes. But if the action you’ve done has proven ineffective, what is the healthiest alternative?